My Natural Birth Story!

Tuesday, December 10^th, 2019

I was facetiming with my mom and sisters in the evening and I mentioned to them how it'll be great if my labor starts in the morning since I read that one has well-rested all night so has more energy to get through the labor. And they said "Aise thodi hoga. Be ready for anything". I also mentioned the same to Anish saying "I wish my labor starts only in the morning." They also asked me to show my belly and said it looks like baby has come down. I told them "Yes baby has attached to the cervix but the doctor checked just 3 days back and said it will still take about two more weeks."

Skip to the night, usual bedtime routine. Anish was kissing me goodnight and also wishing our baby in the belly. Out of the blue, he happened to say “Ab bass ho gaya, kitna wait? Don't you wanna meet me now? Don’t you love your daddy?” And this was super strange because every other night he always said "Don't come before the due date. Gain a good weight and then arrive!"

And lo! Hum aa gaye!! Obeying both mom and dad about coming only after a good night's rest and coming the very next day when dad asked to! :)

Wednesday, December 11th, 2019 (38 weeks 5 days pregnant)

I woke up a few times during the night feeling something in my belly - some tightening (which now I know was part of the labor). Every time I thought it was maybe just me dreaming due to all the anxiety and wait now.

I woke up at @5am to use the washroom. I came back to bed to go back to sleep and noticed some watery discharge coming out of my vagina. I rushed to the washroom thinking my water could’ve broken. I noticed some blood spots on my panties and realized that something surely has happened. I went back to our room and woke Anish up and told him about it. Anish told his mom about it. She asked me if I was in pain, I said no I am not feeling anything at all. We all decided we need to go check at the hospital for sure. We started prepping for leave. His mom said “Since pains have not started at all, it’ll mostly take time now. I think they’ll check and let us go and wait for labor. Let’s not carry everything.” But having read so many other experiences where things are super unpredictable and could change. I was sure I wanted to carry my hospital bag & exercise ball even if we had to get it back home (again good decision).

We had kept our hospital bag packed. I drank a glass full of milk since I knew they might now allow me to eat or drink once I get admitted and we left for the hospital. Before leaving for the hospital, I called my parents and told them that we were leaving for the hospital. My parents stay in Baramati which is approx 6 hours away by road. My parents immediately left for Mumbai.

By the time we reached the hospital, it was 6am. The nurse there checked me and told me that I was still only 1cms dilated. She asked me if I was having contractions and I said no (little did I know the tightening of my belly was a part of early labor). She asked me to get admitted and informed us that if the labor doesn’t start in a while we will do a scan and might induce it. After admission, she checked my belly and told me that it was tightening and that the contractions had already started - I WAS IN LABOR!

That’s when I thought to myself if this was labor pain and I am feeling literally no pain yet, how bad could it get after all? The nurse told me they were putting me on IV and I had to stop eating and drinking now. I quickly grabbed a protein bar and ate it to get some energy for me to get through the labor. And now to think of it, it was the best decision because after the labor pains started, I hardly let the IV be in my hands, I kept using the washroom, moving around, sitting on the exercise ball, etc.

Until 8:45am, I was chatting away. I kept bouncing and doing some exercises on the exercise ball (P.S. sitting on exercise ball helped majorly in fast-forwarding my dilation later). I and Anish were also recording the contractions which were pretty irregular but not more than 5 minutes apart. The doctor and checked me, I was only 2cms dilated. She asked me if I wanted to go for an epidural (painless delivery). I told her no, I will do it the natural way. She gave me some medicine through my anus for stool softening.

Around 9am, slightly painful contractions started coming in. I had read about changing certain positions during labor. So I tried doing some exercises on the exercise ball. The doctor came in again at 9:45am, checked me and mentioned I was still only 2cms dilated. They will artificially break my water in an hour if not broken already by then. The contractions were as painful as my menstrual cramps this time. So I was doing just fine, breathing deep during the contractions and relaxing between the contractions. 

Around 10:45am, the contractions started getting intense and they were just 2mins apart. The doctor checked me, I was still just 3cms dilated. She broke my water and mentioned that now the contractions will get intense and will be closer. There was a gush of water in the bed, almost 2litres of water! The contractions started getting super intense now and they were just 1.5-2 minutes apart. I was screaming at the top of my voice. I couldn’t relax between the contractions thinking about the next one on its way just in a minute. I was sweating during the contractions and shivering between them (since the AC was on and I wanted it to be). The pain was so bad, I started asking for epidural. Fortunately, I and Anish had been discussing many things throughout my pregnancy and he knew exactly what was important for me. And that even if I give up, don’t let me take an epidural. I kept on insisting on epidural and he kept avoiding it. When I kept on forcing for epidural over and over again, he warned me that if I ask for epidural, he’ll leave. I was in so much pain, I told him “You May leave, I don’t care! I can’t bear the pain. I need a painless resolution”. Anish s mom also had come in by this time and both Anish and his mom kept massaging my back and my head for me to relax during and between contractions. I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes. 

This continued till 11:50am when the nurse came in to ask me to come down to the labor room for the doctor to check me and continue my labor in that room on the bed. They laid me down on the bed in the labor room, attached some equipment on my belly to check on the baby’s heartbeat. 

At 12pm, the doctor checked me and said I was only 4cms dilated and that we were looking at least 3-4 hours more to go. I then begged her to give me an epidural, she told me the anesthetist doctor had left since I said no for it earlier. And that he will only be back after an hour. When the doctor informed me this, I screamed at Anish “I told you to let me take the epidural, you did not listen. Now I cannot manage the pain, I am going to go for c-section”. I was screaming at the top of my voice. Both Anish and the nurses kept reminding me to breathe and not scream to save the energy later for pushing. The contractions were less than 30 seconds apart now. The good thing was, I couldn’t discuss or talk much with Anish either and had to focus on the contractions. I had this urge to push and thought I wanted to poop, so I got up to use the washroom and sat down there since the contractions were so intense, I was scared to walk to the washroom. I held Anish tight in this sitting position, while he kept massaging my back which helped a lot!! My parents had reached the hospital meanwhile and my mom came in to see me. She had tears in her eyes seeing me in pain. I asked her to leave because I couldn't see her cry watching me cry at that time. Wasn't helping! Haha!

Around 12:30pm, I suddenly started having this uncontrollable urge to push and it got so bad that I laid down and started pooping on the labor bed. The nurse noticed this and started wondering why in just 30mins was I wanted to push so bad. She checked me and told me that I was already 8cms dilated and that she could feel the head during my contractions. She went running to call the doctor and started prepping for my delivery. Now the pain got so bad that I couldn’t think through and kept crying out to Anish that I couldn’t do it. And the contractions were overlapping now not allowing me a break to refocus or reposition myself. While they were prepping for my delivery, Anish screamed loudly “Neha we’ve done it! You’re almost there! You’re 8cms already? You can do this! We are about to meet our baby.”

They started prepping for my delivery now and at 12:45pm I was lying in the side lying position when the nurse asked me to get into the pushing position with my legs apart but I could hardly move as the contractions were now just overlapping each other and I had no break! The nurse warned me “If you keep your legs pressed, the baby’s head will get blocked and suffocate so give it space to make a way out!!”. When I heard her say the baby will get harmed, I got all the energy to get into the position asked.

As they were prepping me for the push, the doctor asked my husband to leave the labor room. He was surprised since we’d discussed it already that he’ll be there in the labor room right from the start till the end. The doctor said, “You won’t be able to handle the sight of blood”. Anish said “I’ll be fine doctor don’t worry I can handle it. I’d like to be here with her!” The doctor again requested him to leave and instead of wasting time in that crucial moment, he had to leave. The doctor then gave me anesthesia which today I feel wasn’t really even necessary but was more given just to increase the cost a little bit. Or maybe because they’d anyways called the anesthetist in for the epidural but my labor progressed so quickly that they couldn’t do that so did this. Because before asking me to push they gave me the anesthesia and later when asked said because you weren’t pushing we’d to give it.

Anyways, so after the anesthesia, I started getting unconscious of course. And I wasn’t aware that they’d given me anesthesia. So I felt like I was fainting and in my head, I was screaming “Are they aware of what’s happening to me and that I am not conscious about what’s happening?” Then in the second push I felt this pressure relief from my belly as the belly vacated and I heard baby’s cry and saw the doctor holding Ved. She asked me- “Neha, what is it?” I looked at his testicles and said: “It’s a boy!!” She said yes. I was aware until they told me the weight of the baby. And then I dozed off. I missed out on immediate skin to skin with Ved due to unconsciousness. I kept waking up in between while she was stitching my vaginal cut. They took me to the room after that. By the time I held Ved in my arms, it was 2pm. I was feeling quite dizzy even then. I just fed him and we both slept off. Our first sleep together! :)

It seemed unreal, it all just happened to fast and just in 8 hours of when I knew labor had started, Ved was already in my arms! :)

A big shoutout to Anish, without whom I could’ve definitely not been able to get through this. He was such big support during the whole labor. He kept reminding me to keep focusing on breathing, kept massaging my back and kept motivating me telling me how great I am doing and that we could do this together. Not once did he lose his calm or stop doing what he was doing. Having a pillar-like supportive partner was a major help in me having a vaginal delivery. 

And to all of you who are reading this, I hope that I was able to give you a little insight into my birth. Don‘t take anything to serious though, since each birth is so different and unique! What might have been hard for me could have been easy for you and the other way around? But I hope that you enjoyed reading about it. 

Let me know if you have any questions!

The bundles of joy in my life!

Myra:

My eyes did not move away from the arrivals for those 40 minutes after I got to know that the flight from London had landed. I knew the immigration and other formalities would take time but still, my eyes waited only for her. My sister was finally coming to India after 9 months since Myra was born. I hadn’t seen her in about two years but I was most excited about meeting my nine months old niece, who I only saw on video calls. She was born on 14^th of June, 2014; the day I understood the true meaning of love. A sense of family I never realized better before. Myra- Indian citizen, born in London and brought up in New York!

I finally saw my brother-in-law walking outside. My eyes still searched for my sister and I saw her holding Myra. I went running towards her. “I’ll hug you later!” And I grabbed Myra from her. I hugged the little one tight as close as I could. I couldn’t believe myself that I was finally holding her in my arms. I looked at her and right away, I fell in love. She was looking at my face, still figuring out who this over excited lady was. Then she looked at her mom (my sister) and realized I wasn’t her and started crying for her. I felt a little disappointed, but then I took all the efforts to give her all the comfort and love she wanted to consider me a part of her family. Her acceptance had become so important for me. Seeing the possibilities well up in their eyes as you spend time connecting with them is absolutely priceless. And those were the best moments of my life that I shared with her. We played peek-a-boo and all kinds of games that made her giggle.
Then came the day when we had to part our ways again. This was the worst. I was trying hard not to cry in front of the little one, knowing that I won’t be able to see her again for a longtime. She was smiling as always and waving me goodbye, too innocent to realize. I hugged her for the last time. That’s the day I realized how much better a hug feels when it comes from arms that can barely reach around you!

We continue to Facetime again. I still love the connection I share with her. She took my name recently in the cutest way possible. It is the cutest thing listening to a toddler trying to figure out how to make the sounds of your name with their newly wielded skill of speech. The way she calls me “Neaa Massii” (not a typo) and naming alphabets like I for “Ilooooo” (instead of Igloo) with the widest smile has become my favorite since that day. I try teaching her as many things I can. It makes me feel every bit the cool aunt being a part of helping her develop a rich life full of passions. With her is the most special long distance relationship I share! Something I’ll treasure for lifetime.

Nishka:

She is the daughter of my eldest sister, and unlike with my other sister; I shared the whole journey with her since the day when she got pregnant. I was with her when she went for her first ultrasound. She showed me a picture of the ultrasound and I had no idea what I was looking at. She pointed out at the various points explaining which part of the body it was. Not that I understood much that time, but all I knew then was I was super excited for being around my sister through this journey of hers. And that is what I did. I was around to see the transition of belly size from size 26 to size 36, from weighing 50 kgs to 70kgs! When she threw up for initial months even to smell of food, when she experienced her first baby kicks till the day she left for the hospital to deliver the baby.

I remember it as clear as day. It was my first day at my new workplace, when I heard the news. I remember sitting in the office conference room, getting done with all the joining formalities and I got a call from my mom, “Neha, it’s a baby girl!!” I shouted with excitement at the top of my voice, “What, it’s a girl!!” And all the other colleagues sitting with me in that room started looking at me. The look on their faces was as if I had a baby myself. (Yes, I know doesn’t make sense but well that was the look!)

It was a Monday and I was traveling to the hospital from office in the cab. I remember thinking that it felt like the longest drive ever! It was such a rush of excitement that I had never felt before. The whole ride to the hospital I thought about how I was going to hold the new born. I ran towards her room and opened the door. I instantly was so captivated with the baby smell all around the room. I stood there in amazement. I was ecstatic. I cleansed my hand using as much sanitizer I could use. I went and stood beside her bed watching her sleep. I was so anxious to hold her. She was wrapped up in a clean blanket, and looked so pure like an angel. Bundled up like a little bunny as if she was still in the womb. My brother-in-law set her in my arms and I couldn’t believe she was finally in my arms. I stared into her brown little eyes and knew instantly that I would love this little one forever more than myself.

Since that day, all of my free time is hers. I am amazed at how fond I am of both my nieces. It has been such a new experience for me. Her innocence makes me feel like a little kid again. My relationship with my sisters is unbreakable but the relationship I have with my nieces doesn’t compare to the ones with my sisters. Whenever I am with her, I feel like a kid again. It is so exciting to watch her learn new things every week since she is born. It is a feeling I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.

The other day, we both were lying down on the bed. We were having some conversations only me and her understood. And she slept off in my arms that day. I couldn't think or acknowledge anything else around me. The world seemed to stop, hold its place in time, just for that perfect moment. The connection you feel when one of these precious little people surrenders to sleep, feeling safe with you, is completely disarming. When this happens you have no desire to move, to put them in bed or to do anything else but experience the moment.
Being the youngest in my family, it was very difficult to understand why everyone was always so protective about me. I began to understand how and why parents worried so much about me. Watching this little one grow up stirred up the beginnings of parental protective impulses.

The best feeling is coming back home to them. The moment I enter the house, she smiles in the happiest and most welcoming way. It doesn’t matter how low you feel, how much you screwed up at work, or how something else went wrong; when you see your nieces, all that just fades away and you actually feel as cool as they see you. Their optimism is contagious.

If only there was a way to protect them from heartache, danger or any kind of pain, I will do just that in a heartbeat. 

P.S. Some quotes mentioned are taken from one of the posts on: www.lifehack.org

Quarter life special!

Birthdays have always been a BIG deal for me. It’s the one day that is just for you. Everyone gathers together to celebrate! I am not sure what, because just like all the previous years, even this year there was a cake, there were friends, surprises, gifts; but something was different this time.

Maybe because I turned 25 this birthday and now I am on the wrong side of the 20s. Well, doesn’t really sound that exciting to me when I put it that ways.

I recently read something a fellow blogger wrote about the changes she made in recent years of her life, realizing how lifestyle choices have a HUGE impact on oneself. And I surely second that.

I would love to share with you, 25 changes that I made in my lifestyle in last couple of years: 

1. Replace coffees throughout the day with green tea. And a glass of milk before sleeping.
2. Eat more greens. I make green smoothies instead. Even better and doesn’t taste that bad either.
3. Avoid junk and anything unhealthy for my body.
4. Exercise regularly. Avoid elevators.
5. Blog more often. Be more regular for my readers.
6. Practice meditation before sleeping.
7. Volunteer.
8. Make more time for family and closed ones. Get together more often.
9. Analyze. Be a better person. Every day.
10. Never skip breakfast. Smoothies count.
11. Smile. At strangers, too.
12. Read something knowledgeable every day. Magazines don’t count.
13. Give up on bad habits. I stopped biting my finger nails!
14. Cook more often. Try a new recipe at least once a month.
15. Make more time for things you are passionate about.
16. Face your fears. It’s alright to have them. But don’t miss out on things in life ‘coz of them.
17. Make the most of the weekends. Lying in bed all day long doing nothing counts. Sometimes.
18. Learn something from every person you meet in life.
19. Make long term plans. Work towards them.
20. Do things that make you happy.
21. Make a to-do list so you don’t forget things.
22. Explore more places around the city. Make the most of the time you are there.
23. Ride safe. No earphones when riding.
24. Spontaneous is good. But take a while and think of the pros and cons before taking important decisions.
25. Start and end your day with an affirmation. Feel positive.

Well, these are a few things to list out. Try some for yourself; I am sure you’ll thank me.

BBC Documentary- India's Daughter a "gift" to India?

The BBC Documentary on "India’s Daughter" by filmmaker called Leslee Udwin has been being watched widely all over the world. Though I would like to mention that it surely doesn’t look like a ‘selfless’ act by Leslee. I agree that such documentaries are bread and butter for all the documentary makers. But then don’t mention that the documentary was her “gift” to India.

Also I believe that India surely shouldn’t have banned the documentary. After all it was all just a true story! We should be embarrassed of the ugly truth rather than fighting against the fact that the documentary got made.

Finally, the documentary disclosed her real name “Jyoti Singh”. Her parents were not embarrassed to give out her name in media. They are glad their daughter’s name “Jyoti” denotes “light” and hoped she’ll be an example to the whole world and throw light on this serious matter related to safety for females.

Things in the documentary which had a bad impact were:

1.      It is said that Jyoti Singh (Nirbhaya) was insulted through this documentary. Well, it is as you take it. The documentary was an eye opener. But yes, adding the interview of the rapists and watch the men talk about their sick mindsets out in the open was uncalled for. Overnight, the rapists were all over the news. They were like some celebrities being talked about all across the world.

2.      It is also allegedly said that the rapist was paid for the interview. How could someone pay those rapists for shamelessly accepting the crime and also mentioning that the girl was at fault and that she should just be silent and allow the rape?

3.      The rapist concluded saying that hanging them was a wrong decision and this will only make the other rapists scared of the punishment and they’ll hence just kill the girls after raping them hence forth.

4.      What makes me wonder is how can a person who has been a rape victim (allegedly) interview a rapist and let him talk about the crime so casually. There was no regret in his eyes. He did not feel sorry for what his brother and friends did and what he supported.

I am surely not against the documentary. In fact I have seen it and it is quite informative about the whole incident in the 60 minutes film. But there are some things which shouldn't have been included in the documentary. 

Although, banning the documentary is not the solution to the cause. Instead let people watch what sick mindsets some people have. If we don’t face it and realize how are we going to try and change it?

Day 15: Top Ten Favorite Songs

Choosing favorite songs is one of the most difficult tasks for me since my favorite playlist changes almost every week.

Though there are a few out of these which have always stayed. So to name a few on my head right now, I would say:

1. Inside Out- Bryan Adams

2. Truly Madly Deeply- Savage Garden

3. Sham- Aisha

4. With Or Without You- U2

5. Tum ho- Rockstar

6. You look wonderful tonight- Eric Clapton 

7. Your Body Is A Wonderland- John Mayer

8. All Coldplay songs (Totally!)

9. Lifehouse- You&Me

10. Patakha Guddi- Highway 

Day 14: Your favorite memory as a kid

I love this picture.

I remember we bought the first ambassador car and I was all excited for a drive in the new car. Also am wearing my favorite tee, my typical "Heee" smile with that naughty look on my face.

I look more like a guy here though. But I totally love it! :)